OVA DEVOJKA IMA 300.000 PRATILACA I SAVRŠEN ŽIVOT NA SLIKAMA! Evo šta se ZAPRAVO krije iza osmeha ove MAME

Podelila je najmučniju sliku iz svog života kako bi podigla svest ljudi o mentalnom zdravlju

Objavljeno: 16.11.2019. 11:12h

Miljana Vojvodić

Kejtlin Fledžer (23) iz Kanade, sudeći po Instagramu, deluje kao da vodi savršen život.

Lepa, mlada mama dvoje dece na svakoj slici izgleda kao da vodi savršen život i zato je rešila da otkrije mračnu tajnu iza jedne od njih.

View this post on Instagram

This picture of me with my children, was taken days before I tried to take my own life ⁣⁣ I’m so glad I failed. Your kids would never be better off without you, momma. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I’ve battled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but last January is when the darkest corners of my mind, were starting to win. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I was not the best mom because of this. I was sleeping all day, letting the TV babysit my children, and snapping at them way too easily. I wasn’t the mom they had once known. I was morphing into a person I didn’t even recognize. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ One afternoon, while I was sleeping the day away, my five year old came in, looked at me, wearing the same clothes I had been wearing for the past week, knotted hair, medication bottles around me, and said “mommy, why do you always sleep so much” And walked away. It was that moment I realized, I wasn’t okay. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Then the ugly parts of my mind came into play. All I could hear in my head was a voice telling me I was a burden to my kids. I was a burden to everyone, and life would simply be easier for them without me in it. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ So, I decided my easiest way out would be swallowing a mix of pills I was prescribed. I remember crying, emptying the bottles on my bed sheet, googling how much to take, to not wake up again. But I didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain I was feeling, to stop. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ As soon as I was about to scoop them all up and throw them back into my dry mouth, my mom knocked on my door. She opened it, looked on my bed, and started crying. She hugged me, and told me I needed help, and that I wasn’t a burden. That this wasn’t the way to fix things. We sat there hugging each other for awhile that day. I was reminded that I needed my mom. Just like my kids would need me. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ You can see the demons I was fighting, in this picture. You can see it under the layers of makeup. You can see it in my hollow eyes. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Almost one year later, I’m here. With my kids. Still fighting those voices in my head. Just not alone. I had to accept the help. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ It’s been a long, ugly journey. But I’m here. I’m fighting. ⁣⁣ Your kids need you, momma. You are not a burden. Your kids would never be better off without you.

A post shared by Caitlin Fladager (@caitlinfladager) on Nov 2, 2019 at 5:04pm PDT

Njenih 290.000 pratilaca redovno gleda njene avanture sa decom, Arijanom i Džekom, na kojima su nasmejani od uva do uva i uživaju u porodičnoj idili, a istina, kaže ona, izgleda ovako.

Samo dan nakon što je nastala ova slika mene sa decom, pokušala sam da se ubijem. Tako mi je drago što nisam uspela u tome. Zapamtite majke - vašoj deci nikad ne bi bilo bolje bez vas. Većinu svog života borim se sa depresijom i anksioznošću, ali prošlog januara desio se najmračniji period mog života, i činilo mi se da će depresija pobediti. Zbog toga baš i nisam bila najbolja mama. Spavala sam po ceo dan, puštala televizor da mi vaspitava decu i vikala na njih bez posebnog razloga. Nisam bila ona mama na koju su navikli. Pretvarala sam se u osobu koju ni sama ne prepoznajem. Jednog popodneva, dok sam spavala, moja petogodišnja ćerka je ušla, ućebane kose i u odeći koju je nosila cele prethodne nedelje. Pitala me je: "Mama, zašto toliko spavaš?" i otišla. Tada mi je bilo kristalno jasno da nešto sa mnom nije u redu. Onda su prevladale crne misli. Pomislila sam da sam samo teret svojoj deci i svima ostalima i da bi svima bilo bolje bez mene. Rešenje sam videla u pilulama. Rasplakala sam se dok sam vadila pilule na svom krevetu i guglala koliko treba da popijem da se više nikad ne probudim. Ali nisam zaista želela da umrem, samo sam želela da taj bol nestane. Taman dok sam se spremala da to popijem, mama mi je pokucala na vrata. Videla je šta radim i rasplakala se. Zagrlila me je i rekla mi da mi treba pomoć i da nikako nisam teret. Rekla mi je da sve može da se reši. Celog dana smo sedele i grlile se. Tada sam shvatila da mi i dalje treba moja mama, kao što ću i ja uvek trebati svojoj deci. Na ovoj slici vidite demone sa kojima se borim. Vide se i ispod slojeva teške šminke. Vidite to u mom praznom pogledu. Skoro godinu dana kasnije, evo me ovde. Sa mojom decom. I dalje se borim sa tim glasovima koji mi kažu da sam svima teret. Morala sam da prihvatim pomoć. Bilo je to teško putovanje, ali i dalje sam tu. I dalje se borim. Zapamtite majke - trebate svojoj deci. Niste teret. Vašoj deci nikad neće biti bolje bez vas", poručila je Kejtlin.

View this post on Instagram

I love my kids, but I hate being a mom sometimes. I miss the life before them some day’s, and that’s okay. ⁣ ⁣ Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. So much. But some days, I honestly hate motherhood. I miss the days when all I had to worry about was getting myself ready. I miss the days when I wasn’t responsible for keeping two other human beings alive. Happy. Fed. Clothed. Bathed. ⁣ ⁣ Being a mother in this day and age, is also almost impossible. It’s impossible to be seen as a good mom. No matter what you do. ⁣ ⁣ Co-sleep? “Danger to your kids. You could suffocate them”⁣ Don’t co - sleep? “You’re missing out on vital connections with your child!”⁣ ⁣ Bottle feed? “How could you not try to breastfeed? It’s the best for baby.”⁣ Breastfed? “Okay that’s great, but keep it covered up at all times.”⁣ ⁣ The list goes on and on. ⁣ ⁣ There have been many days when I have questioned if I was meant to be a mother. ⁣ ⁣ Why aren’t I more patient?⁣ ⁣ Why don’t I love motherhood all the time? ⁣ ⁣ Why can it be so god damn isolating?⁣ ⁣ Why is no one else talking about this?⁣ ⁣ Is it just me with these thoughts? ⁣ ⁣ Am I even allowed to feel like this? ⁣ ⁣ The list goes on and on.⁣ ⁣ It seems like you can’t even bring up the downsides of motherhood without someone saying “don’t complain. You will miss these times one day.” And while sure, that may be true, that doesn’t change the truth. I hate motherhood sometimes. ⁣ ⁣ Motherhood isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. Yes, it’s an unconditional love that you have never felt before, and I feel incredibly blessed to have this love with my children, but it’s also a battle to remember who you are as a person. That a mother is not all you are. ⁣ ⁣ Being a mom is a wonderful thing, with so many learning curves. But it’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. ⁣ ⁣ You can love your kids, but hate being a mom sometimes. ⁣

A post shared by Caitlin Fladager (@caitlinfladager) on Nov 1, 2019 at 10:28am PDT